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Hi lovely readers,
I’m easing back into blogging after a rough couple of months. Luckily things are starting to calm down a little bit for me- totally by God’s grace.
I’ve really missed blogging and keeping up with my fellow bloggers. It’s nice to be back 🙂
I continue to love frugality and am motivated and excited to continue on my frugal journey. I’ve also been trying to recover from a serious bout of anxiety and depression around my family members recent illness; so I’m trying to focus my thinking also towards healing, peace, serenity and grace.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
I had a good shopping trip this afternoon and picked up the following:
- Chicken breasts
- Oat cereal
- Strawberry jam
- Deli turkey slices
- Two boxes of granola bars
- Baked potato chips, bbq flavor
- Non-dairy whipped topping
The grand total was: $25.44!! I love discount shopping!
See you all soon 🙂
In a nutshell: Recently due to a severe family crisis frugality has been the absolute least of my concerns and basically went completely out the window.
The past 2.5 weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. Luckily this story ends well, but it was an extremely dire situation. A very, very close family member of mine (for privacy purposes I’m not going to say who) who is elderly had a very bad fall where they suffered a small skull fracture, brain bleeding and just massively not feeling well and were taken to the hospital by the paramedics.
To say this situation was terrifying for me is a massive understatement. I had to take an emergency flight out from the east coast and was just praying for them to be alive by the time I got there. It was the longest, most anxiety filled flight of my life (but thank God for the airplane that got me there!!). My beloved was first in the ICU then moved to the regular ward…and then after 4 days blessedly released from the hospital where they were deemed medically stable and that everything should heal.
I have been here ever since helping them with everything from eating, drinking, taking medicine, getting dressed, brushing their teeth, etc and just spending time together. Essentially just trying, very very slowly to get things back to normal.
I am immensely, hugely grateful that my beloved is recovering from an extremely scary and dire health crisis. It’s an absolute miracle and blessing from God. He is so full of mercy, love and compassion for us.
During this time me and my family have been eating a lot of take out. For awhile it was nearly every main meal. And this is why– this situation was so stressful that I simply was unable to cook and feed myself or anyone else and I could barely take care of myself. I was losing weight rapidly and was getting extremely low blood sugar…so I quickly realized, if I don’t eat, somehow, I will collapse and get very ill.
I was living on food from the hospital cafeteria, and after my family member was released from the hospital, living on take out from the local grocery store and restaurants. This is one of the few times in my life where there was simply no other option. It was a true emergency and I’ve been dipping into my emergency fund to take care of the costs.
Fortunately, life around here is slowly starting to normalize. My beloved is up and walking (a miracle in itself!!!) and starting to be more independent. My gratitude to God is profound and also witnessing the miracle of the body healing itself. It’s truly amazing.
I’m starting to cook a little more and eat less take out and hopefully over the next few days I can begin tracking my expenses more carefully. I’ve missed my Food Budget Friday updates, but sometimes life intervenes. Under normal circumstances I really try to avoid eating out…but this wasn’t at all normal. Thank goodness for the cafeterias and take out places that have fed me and my family over the past two weeks!!
My prayer is simply for my family member to have a full recovery, feel great, and return to their normally very social and active life ❤
The other day I wrote a post very honestly discussing how much I struggle with sugar. Basically I said that I planned to never eat sugar again.
While everything I said was completely true, fair and honest…something didn’t sit quite right with me. And this morning I realized what it is: It was my all-or-nothing thinking, and perfectionist tendencies rearing their ugly head trying to make me do something that is quite likely impossible for me. It’s my classic eating disorder way of thinking.
The whole point of keeping this blog is so I can be honest about my successes, failures and growth along the way. My journey to healing is essentially an on-going trial and error for me to see what works and what doesn’t.
Healing -from anything- just takes time and has it’s own natural process. I don’t want to get in my own way by placing all kinds of restrictions on myself, however well intentioned they may be.
By my saying I “can’t” eat something and I’m “not allowed” all that does is keep me from getting well. It keeps me from having a normal, healthy relationship with food….because after all it’s just food.
So as of today I’m taking all of the food restrictions off and simply continuing on my healing journey to hopefully establish a healthy relationship with food ❤
Note: I wrote a response to this article
Having the willingness to let go of things that aren’t working: I’m seeing more and more how important this is for healing.
As I look through my journal and older blog postings I’m seeing obvious behaviors that I do which keep tripping me up on the road to healing my eating disorder; and I think it’s very important to honor them and take them seriously.
Letting go of old, unhealthy behaviors for me however is often much easier said than done. Why is this? I’m not a behavior expert but for me I think the main contributing factors are:
- I’ve used these behaviors as a (admittedly unhealthy) way to cope with my fear, stress, boredom and anxiety. They have been a crutch to help me “get through” life and situations that are uncomfortable.
- Habit. Habits can be notoriously hard to break, especially ones that have deep emotional links and strongholds. Despite bingeing being obviously bad for my body, health and soul I have kept coming back to it because in the moment when I feel stressed a binge can temporarily ease my pain. The old habit pattern over rules my better judgment because I know a binge, which lasts only a few minutes will bring me hours of pain including indigestion, inflammation, bloating and feeling really bad and shameful about myself.
- Weak faith and not trusting God enough that he loves me and is looking out for me.
So what am I trying to let go of?
- Sugar. Without a doubt this is my #1 battle. I could write pages and pages of the destruction my sugar addiction has ravaged through my life over the years. But that’s for another time.
Sugar for me is seductive, deceptive, deeply and profoundly harmful, and I can never, never, never get enough. I could practically eat sugar-rich foods; chocolate, cake, cupcakes, ice cream, white bread and pasta until I died.
Another level of difficulty I have with sugar is that much of the binge eating disorder literature I read does not advocate cutting a certain food out of your life because it’s not a healthy, balanced approach to healing and will almost always boomerang back at you in the form of a binge(s).
I have tried everything to make it work with sugar; for example just eating it in the form of fruit, just eating dark chocolate (you know, with 70% or more cocoa content); just eating it in condiments such as ketchup, bbq sauce and ketchup to add extra flavor to otherwise savory dishes, I could go on and on….
I can bottomline this quickly: none of it works for me. I am hopelessly and completely addicted to sugar. A well-intentioned apple will eventually lead to a binge. BBQ sauce on my chicken burger will eventually lead to a binge. One cookie will lead to eating twelve (or more!).
So I have decided to break up with sugar.
Now, please don’t hold me to this….because like in any bad relationship I might go back for more suffering to see if “maybe it will work this time.” But I am putting my very strong intent out to the universe. Sugar and me are done.
I intensely want to heal my eating disorder and finally become healthy, well and whole. As it’s said, “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
What else am I wanting to let go of?
- TV. I am also hopelessly addicted to television. If I start watching it at 8pm I can easily watch until 3am and if I wake up, at say, 5am I’ll start watching it again. It’s pretty bad. And like sugar it’s just another way that I unhealthily cope with stress, anxiety, fear etc.
My tv addiction is not as bad as my sugar addiction and I think it is secondary to sugar. What I mean is the nights I watch the most tv are after I’ve binged.
But the two of them are part of the same vicious and terrible cycle. If I binge then I stay awake most of the night and watch tv because I’m way over-wired on sugar (and shame); then the next day I’m exhausted physically and emotionally….and what I often do to get myself going is….eat sugar. And the horrible cycle starts all over again.
So my goal is to have the willingness to finally let go of this self-defeating, self-sabotaging behavior. As I said before, if I slip and fall please don’t hold it against me. I am simply one vulnerable little person who very much wants to get well and finally be free.
I’m very honored to have been nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award by Jen Li of the lovely blog Gypsybus28! Thank you, Jen!! I hope you check out her terrific blog where she shares her beauty finds, delicious food, her travel experiences and more. It was a total surprise and I really appreciate the nomination and the support of my wonderful blogging community ❤
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog
2. Write a post to show your award
3. Give a brief story of how your blog started
4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers
5. Select other bloggers you want to give this award to
6. Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them & provide the link to the post you created.
How my blog was started:
My blog started as a way to share my journey towards healing my binge eating disorder and to also write about my other passions: frugality, simplicity, minimalism, and setting and achieving life goals. What’s nice is that often these ideas end up connecting to one another.
I also love to chat with people and share ideas! I’m very grateful to be meeting kind, inspiring, and thoughtful people all the time through blogging. It’s been encouraging because I had no idea what to expect when I started writing…or if anyone would even read my little blog 🙂
My advice to new bloggers:
- I’m still a new blogger myself but I think writing consistently is a good idea. I suggest trying to make a manageable posting schedule for yourself to help stay on track. For example, you could post twice a week, such as every Tuesday and Friday.
- I encourage a new writer to have a focus and stick with it so they can really develop their blog and ideas. What drives you and makes you excited: Health? Lifestyle? Science? Beauty? Cars? Whatever it is…go for it! 🙂
My nominees (in no particular order)
Hi there lovely friends,
This week I moved to a new place! Most of us know that moving is….a lot of work. It’s all good though and I’m very grateful because I’m now in a nicer place and it’s a better situation over all. God is good : )
Much of my week has consisted of bringing stuff over from my old place, cleaning my old place (honestly, where does all the dust, dirt, etc come from?!), trying to start getting settled here, getting utilities set up, etc etc. My apologies I know that’s all a bit boring 🙂
My eating this week was very up and down. I had a couple of binges which I wasn’t happy about but I think the stress from moving and feeling unsettled because of having so much to do and being in an unfamiliar place got to me.
That’s a consistent thread I see with my binge eating: feeling unsettled/stressed can often lead to a binge. The thing is though…that’s life and there’s always something it seems because life isn’t a placid lake it’s a river that just keeps on going and moving.
Being able to cope better with the ever-changing nature of life is one of my big goals with healing my eating disorder. I guess you could say it’s learning better stress & anxiety management.
Unfortunately I didn’t keep good records this week and misplaced many of my receipts. I can say for sure though that I went over budget by at least $30. This is for three reasons: 1. I binged several times which is expensive; 2. I needed to buy some food for the new place because I was running low on groceries; 3. I went out to eat a few times (3 times I think), it was just burger and burrito places but the costs of eating out really adds up.
Some fun news: I made my first “real” meal tonight at the new place (that didn’t come from a bag or a box). I made scrambled eggs with onion and mushrooms, boiled broccoli, and some sweet potato. It’s nice to be cooking again it’s much healthier and more frugal.
Hopefully I’ll start to feel more settled in the next few days and can get back on track 🙂