Today’s groceries

groceriesHi lovely readers, I hope you’re having a great weekend!

This is my grocery shopping from today. I bought a few things that are fancier than normal for me: organic extra virgin olive oil and apple cider vinegar, also organic. I bought them to make homemade salad dressing. I love homemade dressings, so I’m looking forward to making some. The avocado and tomatoes are definitely going to go in the salad 🙂

The cheese will be used for sandwiches and also maybe with some eggs. The chocolate pudding and hot chocolate are just nice treats.

I’m also starting to work on meal planning a little bit and tonight I’m planning to make a big batch of lentil soup so I can eat it during the week with lunch.

Here is what I bought today:

  • Seltzer water
  • Olive oil
  • Apple cider vinegar
  • Hot chocolate
  • Avocado
  • Salad
  • Cherry tomatoes
  • Cheese slices
  • Chocolate pudding
  • Carrots (not shown)

Total cost: $15. 30

Back in the frugal saddle

groceries.JPGHi lovely readers,

I’m easing back into blogging after a rough couple of months. Luckily things are starting to calm down a little bit for me- totally by God’s grace.

I’ve really missed blogging and keeping up with my fellow bloggers. It’s nice to be back 🙂

I continue to love frugality and am motivated and excited to continue on my frugal journey. I’ve also been trying to recover from a serious bout of anxiety and depression around my family members recent illness; so I’m trying to focus my thinking also towards healing, peace, serenity and grace.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

I had a good shopping trip this afternoon and picked up the following:

  • Chicken breasts
  • Oat cereal
  • Strawberry jam
  • Salami
  • Deli turkey slices
  • Two boxes of granola bars
  • Onions
  • Baked potato chips, bbq flavor
  • Non-dairy whipped topping

The grand total was: $25.44!! I love discount shopping!

See you all soon 🙂

Love this quote…

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“What you are is God’s gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.” – Danish proverb

This quote really touched my heart today. I’m so grateful for the gifts God has given me: life, family and friends, a roof over my head….I could go on forever.

This quote inspires me to honor God by working to do good in the world. He’s given all of us gifts and talents that can help to make our families, communities and world a happier, better place ❤

Willingness to let go of things that don’t work

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Note: I wrote a response to this article 

Having the willingness to let go of things that aren’t working: I’m seeing more and more how important this is for healing.

As I look through my journal and older blog postings I’m seeing obvious behaviors that I do which keep tripping me up on the road to healing my eating disorder; and I think it’s very important to honor them and take them seriously.

Letting go of old, unhealthy behaviors for me however is often much easier said than done. Why is this? I’m not a behavior expert but for me I think the main contributing factors are:

  1. I’ve used these behaviors as a (admittedly unhealthy) way to cope with my fear, stress, boredom and anxiety. They have been a crutch to help me “get through” life and situations that are uncomfortable.
  2. Habit. Habits can be notoriously hard to break, especially ones that have deep emotional links and strongholds. Despite bingeing being obviously bad for my body, health and soul I have kept coming back to it because in the moment when I feel stressed a binge can temporarily ease my pain. The old habit pattern over rules my better judgment because I know a binge, which lasts only a few minutes will bring me hours of pain including indigestion, inflammation, bloating and feeling really bad and shameful about myself.
  3. Weak faith and not trusting God enough that he loves me and is looking out for me.

So what am I trying to let go of?

  • Sugar. Without a doubt this is my #1 battle. I could write pages and pages of the destruction my sugar addiction has ravaged through my life over the years. But that’s for another time.

Sugar for me is seductive, deceptive, deeply and profoundly harmful, and I can never, never, never get enough. I could practically eat sugar-rich foods; chocolate, cake, cupcakes, ice cream, white bread and pasta until I died.

Another level of difficulty I have with sugar is that much of the binge eating disorder literature I read does not advocate cutting a certain food out of your life because it’s not a healthy, balanced approach to healing and will almost always boomerang back at you in the form of a binge(s).

I have tried everything to make it work with sugar; for example just eating it in the form of fruit, just eating dark chocolate (you know, with 70% or more cocoa content); just eating it in condiments such as ketchup, bbq sauce and ketchup to add extra flavor to otherwise savory dishes, I could go on and on….

I can bottomline this quickly: none of it works for me. I am hopelessly and completely addicted to sugar. A well-intentioned apple will eventually lead to a binge. BBQ sauce on my chicken burger will eventually lead to a binge. One cookie will lead to eating twelve (or more!).

So I have decided to break up with sugar.

Now, please don’t hold me to this….because like in any bad relationship I might go back for more suffering to see if “maybe it will work this time.” But I am putting my very strong intent out to the universe. Sugar and me are done.

I intensely want to heal my eating disorder and finally become healthy, well and whole. As it’s said, “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

What else am I wanting to let go of?

  • TV. I am also hopelessly addicted to television. If I start watching it at 8pm I can easily watch until 3am and if I wake up, at say, 5am I’ll start watching it again. It’s pretty bad. And like sugar it’s just another way that I unhealthily cope with stress, anxiety, fear etc.

My tv addiction is not as bad as my sugar addiction and I think it is secondary to sugar. What I mean is the nights I watch the most tv are after I’ve binged.

But the two of them are part of the same vicious and terrible cycle. If I binge then I stay awake most of the night and watch tv because I’m way over-wired on sugar (and shame); then the next day I’m exhausted physically and emotionally….and what I often do to get myself going is….eat sugar. And the horrible cycle starts all over again.

So my goal is to have the willingness to finally let go of this self-defeating, self-sabotaging behavior. As I said before, if I slip and fall please don’t hold it against me. I am simply one vulnerable little person who very much wants to get well and finally be free.

A small treat: happy and guilt free

chocolate1Since yesterday I’ve really been hankering for some chocolate, so today I bought this delicious chocolate bar. Why am I posting about this? Because I’m happy to say that it was a treat and not a binge!

I ate enough to be satisfied, which was about half a bar and then I was miraculously and joyously able to stop.

I don’t take this for granted at all, in the very near past I would not have been able to do this. I would have eaten the whole bar and then moved onto a box of cookies and then who knows? Half a pizza? A whole pint of ice cream? And my reward for this behavior would be: feeling ill, depressed, bloated and like a complete failure.

With my eating disorder I simply take things day by day and meal by meal. If I had this bar tomorrow maybe I’d binge…but for today I was able to have a treat and not binge. I am very happy about this 🙂

I think treats are awesome and an important part of enjoying life. However because of my binge eating I have had a very, very hard time being able to just have a treat and not have it turn into an eating frenzy.

Today was a small healing victory 🙂

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Slightly less than half the bar is left. I’m saving it for my little household to finish.